


If Only for a Season

by carpemomento



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, im sorry???, louis hurts a lot, very little fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-02
Updated: 2014-01-02
Packaged: 2018-01-07 03:35:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1115005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carpemomento/pseuds/carpemomento
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Louis absolutely, without a doubt, hates Harry Styles, he’s a damn angel; so overly polite and kind hearted, with so much life in him. He’s everything Louis isn’t."</p>
            </blockquote>





	If Only for a Season

**Author's Note:**

  * For [playpretendbetweenthetrees](https://archiveofourown.org/users/playpretendbetweenthetrees/gifts).



> This was supposed to be posted a week ago and it was supposed to be completely different, but ya know, things happen and i just go with them. Jen, i really hope you enjoy this because as you know, i was freaking out the entire time i was writing it. i hope you still love me after this.
> 
> also, i've only included the twins as Louis' sister and they're younger than in real life. and Liam and Zayn don't exist i'm sorry.

Right now, the judge is droning on about something along the lines of Louis being a disrespectful, good for nothing, rich brat. He doesn’t pay much attention because he’s heard it all before; his lawyer trying to defend him, the judge making it clear that he absolutely detests Louis, all of it. Everything is jammed into the crevices of his brain, reminding him day in and day out of the trouble he brings, but it only fuels him to create more chaos.

 

He chimes in when he hears the judge sentencing him to a month of community service.

 

“A month? That’s ridiculous! It’s Christmas time, man!” Louis cries out. He immediately regrets in when the judge whips his head towards him.

 

“You will address me as Your Honor and you will not speak out of turn in my courtroom.” the judge snaps. “Quite frankly, everyone in town, including myself, is tired of your antics and you need to be held responsible for your actions.”

 

Louis tunes out the rest of the hearing, choosing to slump down in his seat and occasionally huff whenever the judge brings up the past things he’s done. He doesn’t understand what the big deal is. All he did was tag the back wall of the homeless shelter, they can easily paint over it. It wasn’t even his idea, Niall was the mastermind behind the whole thing, but Louis took the fall because if Niall gets in trouble one more time he’s being shipped off to military school, and losing his only friend isn’t really something he wants to happen. He won’t ever admit it to anyone because he’s too proud, but Louis is devastatingly lonely, and Niall helps him feel not so alone.

 

It’s not fair, none of this. He has to spend all of December working at the shelter, like an actual 9to5 job. Louis has never worked a day in his life, he’s never had to because well, his parents are filthy rich and he benefits greatly from that. Earlier in the year when he was caught breaking into his school, his parents just paid the security guard off to keep silent. Today he tried to pay off Trevor, the guy that runs the shelter, but he wouldn’t take it, he insisted that Louis just come work for him, which is stupid. Louis Tomlinson doesn’t work for people, people work for Louis, he’s usually the one that has the power.

 

The drive to his house is only about 10 minutes and he’s never been more thankful. His parents have been away on business for the past week, so he has the house to himself for a few more hours until his little sisters come home. He drags himself up to his room and strips himself of his clothes and heads to his shower. Standing under a stream of water has always been relaxing for Louis, being in any type of water has always calmed him. If he could, he’d spend the rest of his life in the water, but unfortunately that’s biologically impossible. Maybe he can pay someone to discover how to live underwater, or at least find a way to prevent pruning. He steps out the shower and instantly regrets it because the air is cold and he left his towel on his bed. He catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror and hates it.

 

He looks worn and bitter, and he feels the same way; there are dark circles under his eyes and his hair is back to looking limp and fragile, and his skin is so, so pale. There was a time where Louis was golden, even during the colder months, he used to shine and give off so much warmth, but something shifted inside him. Destroyed all the love, and hope, and excitement that Louis had in his bones, and filled the gaps with bitterness and self-loathing. Hatred and destruction course through his veins and it poisons him; he wants to be better, but it’s so much easier to remain the way he is. No one knows, not Niall, not his sisters, and especially not his parents, or if they do, no one mentions anything. Some days he wants to shake his parents, scream in their faces and let them know they’re the reason he’s like this, the reason he feels so lonely and damaged. They’re never home, from the time he was born they were never around, always being whisked away by work or for their own personal reasons. He doesn’t understand why they even had children, doesn’t understand how they could just leave his sisters for weeks at a time. His sisters are the only bright things in his life, he would never leave them, could never fathom the thought, even if he wanted to.

 

He shuffles to his room and towels off the excess water and pulls on a pair of boxer. He can’t be bothered to get fully dressed, he wants to let the icy air dance along his skin and make him shiver, just so that he’ll feel something. _This house is far to big to ever be warm_ , he thinks to himself. He finds his phone on his bedside table and sighs. There’s no alerts from his parents, they can’t even be parents long enough to scold him for doing wrong. He has a text from Niall asking what he’s up to, but he doesn’t reply. His sisters will be home in about two hours so he turns his phone off and settles down for a nap.

 

He’s woken up by incessant ringing of the doorbell and he smiles to himself because his sisters are home. They have their own keys, but they like to ring to doorbell so that Louis is always at the door to greet them.

 

He throws opens the door with a flourish, “Tomlinson residence, how may I be of service to you?” he asks, doing his best to sound overly formal.

 

Daisy and Phoebe burst into a fit of giggles before running to hug Louis’ legs. They’re four and incredibly small for their age and they barely reach his waist, and Louis absolutely loves it.

 

“Hi girls!” he beams, “How was school?”

 

They singsong a chorus of _great_ and _amazing_ and Louis soaks it all while directing them to the kitchen so that he can get started on dinner.  

 

He whips up one of those frozen pasta dinner bags for their meal while the girls do their best at getting the drinks together.

 

When Louis was 14 he had the basement finished and turned into his own personal ‘mancave’ and while his parents are gone, he and the girls usually spend all their time in there. It’s a Friday, which means the girls can stay up late, so they end up watching all the Ironman movies. He’s not sure if they’re suited for four year-olds, but the girls love them. They all end up falling asleep for a bit until Louis wakes up around two in the morning to turn off the tv and take their dishes to the kitchen. He’s too tired to carry himself or the girls up the stairs so he heads back to the basement. It’s convenient that the bed is big enough for all of them to fit comfortably and he smiles when Daisy tucks into his chest and Phoebe throws an arm across his middle. He’s happiest like this, with just his sister, their lives so new and still sacred, he wants to stay like this forever.

 

“Good night my loves,” he whispers. “stay innocent.”

 

That night Louis dreams of being the sun, filled with warmth and radiating off happiness, oozing

with contentment, joy etched into his bones. It’s his first dream in months.

  
  


〜

  
  
  


His parents come home on Sunday while Daisy is napping and he and Phoebe are watching cartoons. What kills him the most is the fact that Phoebe doesn’t even bat an eyelash when the door alarm chimes, alerting them that someone has entered the house. There was a time where the twins used to run to their parents the second they got home, but it’s been a while since that’s happened.

 

“Hey kiddo, mom and dad are here, would you like to go see them?” Louis asks hesitantly.

 

“No, I’m okay here with you.” she replies, so calmly, as if their parents are some distant relatives that she doesn’t really care to see. _This is so wrong_ Louis thinks, _so incredibly wrong._

 

He doesn’t want his sisters growing up with the same resentment he has towards his parents, doesn’t want them to ever experience the bitterness Louis feels; He wants the world for them.

 

An hour passes before he gets lunch ready for him and the girls. Phoebe is sitting at the kitchen table already eating and  Louis goes upstairs to get Daisy from her room, when he gets called into his parents room. His mother is is sitting up in bed aimlessly flipping through the channels on tv and his father is sitting at the desk with his feet propped up as if he’s some type of big shot; anger rises in him.

 

“So, we heard you got caught vandalising a building and you’ve been sentenced to a month of community service.” his mother states, as if it’s common knowledge. She doesn’t even attempt to sound disappointed in him; he’s livid.

 

“Yeah, I had my hearing Friday morning and I start tomorrow.” Louis explains. He wants to say more, wants to tell them off for being nonchalant, wants to scream that they shouldn’t be parents, but the words get lost on his lips when Daisy comes in the room. She’s still half asleep and rubbing her eyes and suddenly all the anger in Louis dissipates.

 

“Lou, can we go have lunch?” she speaks so softly into his leg.

 

“Yeah, c’mon.” he picks her up and she hides her face in his neck. Just like Phoebe, she doesn’t acknowledge their parents.

 

“Now if you’ll excuse me,” he’s facing his parents again, “I have to go feed my little sisters.” Just like that, he’s angry again because _they_ should be doing this. They should be excited to make lunch for their daughters and enjoy spending quality time with them, and they should act like fucking parents!

 

When lunch is over, he sends the girls to the basement and turns on some cartoons for them, he then goes outside to clear his head. It’s cold out, and he’s only wearing sweatpants and a thin shirt and his Vans, but it’s inviting. It creeps up his arms and wraps around his ankles and soothes the heat in his veins. Louis has always appreciated the cold.

 

He sends Niall a quick text asking him to come over. The girls love Niall and he could use a proper hug right now, and they’re ordering pizza for dinner, so it’s a win-win situation for everyone.

 

Niall arrives 30 minutes later and let’s himself in with the key they keep under the mat. A few years ago, Louis tried to give Niall his own key, but he refused. Something about not wanting Louis to feel obligated to continue their friendship, which is absurd because Louis could never kick Niall out of his life. He means so much more to Louis than he knows, has since they first met 8 years ago.

 

They had just moved to town and Louis had a habit of running away whenever he got angry, and living somewhere new wasn’t going to stop him. He ended up in the park, kicking around an abandoned soccer ball until Niall showed up. It turns out, the ball was Niall’s and Louis was such a brat that he refused to give it back, so Niall let him keep it. It stumped Louis because he knows if it was him, he would have fought for his toy back. Niall’s only request was that he be able to play with it, and that was that. Louis agreed and somehow playing soccer at the park became their thing. It’s been a while since Louis has gone to the park.

 

“I’m here!” Niall shouts as he makes his way down the basement stairs. The girls are off the floor and at Niall’s side in less than a second, Louis can’t help but smile.

 

“Niall! Niall! we missed you.” the girls sing in unison, as if they didn’t just see him on Monday. He expresses that he’s missed them as well, before letting them go and locking eyes with Louis. He knows Louis so well.

 

Niall hugs him tight and sparks go off in Louis, temporarily igniting him inside, just enough to coat the empty spaces in his bones. It’s never enough to fill them, but for a few hours it helps him forget.

 

“Hey.” Niall breathes into his neck. “You alright? I saw that the parents are home.” He pulls back, searching Louis’ eyes for an answer.

 

“Yeah, ‘M’okay. Although I now have a month of community service working at the shelter because of you.” He replies with a laugh.

 

“Harsh! You’re a good man Tommo, taking the fall for me.” Niall laughs back. “I suppose you start tomorrow.” he states, but it’s more of a question.

 

Louis nods and goes to say more, but the doorbell rings, their pizza is here.

 

They spend the rest of the night scarfing down slices, chatting lightly, and watching crappy television. Louis sends the girls to bed at 9:00, since they have school in the morning, and Niall leaves about an hour after that. He straightens up the basement and locks the front door before going up to his room, jumping straight into the shower. His shower is quick, and he towels off even quicker, opting to forgo full pajamas and settling on boxer. He sets his alarm for eight o’clock and buries himself in his blanket. He needs as much sleep as possible if he’s going to make it through tomorrow.

  
  


To his surprise, working at the shelter is fairly simple. He arrives on time and Trevor greeted him in the lobby with a warm smile and Louis apologizes for the trouble he’s caused.

 

He’s never been inside before today, but the layout is completely different from what he imagined, it’s a lot more spacious. Trevor takes him on a brief tour; to the left of the lobby are the dining hall and kitchen, and tucked into the corner is Trevor’s office; to the right are all the rooms and the main bathrooms, they wrap all around the building, and in the very back is a lounge room, equiped with multiple tvs, computers, and gaming systems. Trevor tells him this is where a lot of the tenants spend their time.

 

He helps serve breakfast and his does his best to smile every time, and once breakfast was over and everyone left the dining hall, he sweeps up. He idles around for a few hours until it’s time to serve lunch, which ends up being a lot more hectic when a little boy named Michael accidentally knocks over the soup. Trevor sends him on his lunch break early and he’s so grateful for it because he was a little on edge after the lunch incident. He ends up taking a walk to clear his head, he’s not in the mood to eat. When he gets back, there’s some guy standing in the lobby, and he looks lost, probably looking for Trevor.

 

“Are you looking for someone?” Louis aks

 

The stranger whips around, startled by Louis, but then he relaxes. “Yeah, Trevor?” He questions, as if he’s not exactly sure. Louis likes the way his voice sounds, _it fits him_ he thinks. Flows with the curls of his hair, the length of his limbs, and the spatter of tattoos along his arms.

 

“Uh no, Louis, but I can take you to Trevor.” Louis offers with a smile.

 

“Louis.” the stranger says, “I’m Harry.” He beams. Louis loves the way his name rolls off Harry’s tongue, lets the sound drift through his ears and settle somewhere behind his ribs.

 

“Right, well you can just follow me.” Louis turns and starts walking to the back office, glancing back to see if Harry is following and he’s met with a smile.

 

Apparently Harry is new in town and he doesn’t specify where he lives, but he explains that in his old town he always volunteered for things, and working at the shelter seemed like a great opportunity. Everyone automatically gravitates towards him. He’s all dimpled smiles, bright eyes, and tender embraces. Louis envies him without even meaning to, he adores the way Harry finds everyone so interesting and the way he listens to people, as if his whole life depends on it. And Louis finds him absolutely fascinating.

 

He goes home and all he can think is _HarryHarryHarry._ The boys with the electricity in his veins, and the honest eyes, that Louis has only known for a day, has worked his way into Louis’ life, invaded the caves in his brain without permission, and Louis hates him.

  
  


〜

  
  


Louis absolutely, without a doubt, hates Harry Styles, he’s a damn angel; so overly polite and kind hearted, with so much life in him. He’s everything Louis isn’t.

 

“Your eyes match the walls, they’re really nice.” Harry says while they’re cleaning up the dining hall, as if it’s regular conversation.

 

It catches Louis off guard because what the fuck? Who just compliments someone’s eye out of the blue, especially if they’ve only known said someone for two days? Louis refuses to acknowledge Harry, and continues to clean.

 

“You’re supposed to say ‘thank you’, y’know.” Harry comments a moment later, probably when he realizes that Louis is ignoring him.

 

“I’m not _supposed_ to say anything. I can if I want, but clearly I don’t.” Louis snaps.

 

He tries to go back to cleaning, he honestly does, but he swears he can hear Harry’s face drop, and he’s right because he looks up, and there Harry is; he looks like a wounded puppy that just lost it’s favorite toy.

 

Louis sighs. “Sorry, okay? Thank you for the compliment, you have nice eyes too. Just please stop pouting, I deal with enough pouting from my sisters.” he pleads. That was clearly the right thing to say because Harry starts smiling again. Louis regrets it though, because Harry is talking again.

 

“Sisters? You have sisters? How old are they? Man, I wish I had siblings. Can you tell me about them?” Harry asks. He’s beaming, and Louis wants to be annoyed, but it’s really hard when Harry is so naturally happy.

 

“I have twin sisters, they’re named Daisy and Phoebe, and they’re four.” Louis can’t believe he’s actually telling Harry, he’s supposed to be hating him.

 

“Your eyes change when you talk about them.” Harry smiles, “they get a lot softer.”

 

“Yeah okay, no more. You’ve said enough today, you’re banned from speaking to me for the rest of the day.” Louis deadpans.

 

Who does Harry think he is? First he compliments Louis’ eyes, then he asks about the twins, and then has the nerve to actually pay enough attention to Louis to notice his eyes change. And Louis must obviously be high from the cleaning fumes because he finds it all so endearing; he’s fucked.

 

So telling Harry to stop talking to him wasn’t his smartest idea, because Harry actually listened! It’s been an hour since he’s heard Harry’s voice and he’s going mad because Harry won’t stop _staring_ at him; it’s creeping him out.

 

“You’ve been staring at me for an hour and it’s making me really uncomfortable.” Louis finally says.

 

Harry just continues to stare; he looks like a kitten that’s trying to figure out how yarn works.

 

“Dammit you can talk to me now, just stop with the staring, please!” Louis begs.

 

He’s frustrated that he’s letting Harry get to him like this. It’s not the same frustration he has towards his parents, it’s different, there’s underlying fondness and that kinda scares Louis. He’s never had a crush on anyone, never found anyone worth the time, but he wants to give Harry that time.

 

“Yes!” Harry cheers to himself. The kitten has figured out how the yarn works and he is pleased.

 

“Yeah, yeah. Don’t get too happy.” Louis butts in, but he’s smiling, like full on genuine smile.

 

“I like it when you smile, it’s really nice.” Harry states with a smile.

 

“No no, we just went through this. I can only take so much in one day.” Louis laughs and Harry laughs along with him.

 

And that’s how the last few hours of their shift goes. There’s no real conversation, but their quick glances and laughter speaks more than enough for them. Louis really likes this, whatever it is with Harry. It’s nice and easy, and completely frightening, but Louis welcomes it.

 

Just as they’re about to leave for the night, Harry hugs him. It’s unexpected and it startles Louis, because Harry grabs him from the behind and spins him around. It takes him a few beats to hug back.

 

“Good night Louis.” Harry whispers. “I enjoyed today.”

 

“Yeah, me too. Good night Harry.” Louis whispers back. He doesn’t know when they became on hugging turns, but he doesn’t protest.

 

Louis gets home and he feels different, like something shifted inside him, something good. Harry. He felt it when Harry hugged him, but he didn’t pay much attention to it, just left it simmering in the back of his mind. It’s similar to when he hugs Niall, the way spark goes off inside him and coats the pain, but it’s also so different. Now it feels like a slow-burning flame, reaching into the hollows of Louis’ bones and melting away the sorrow and replacing it with comfort.

 

_Don’t fight this_ , Louis thinks to himself, _it’s good, very good._

  
  


〜

  
  
  


Friday comes and Louis’ world comes crashing down along with it. And it’s so fucked up because the past three days with Harry have been such a breath of fresh air and such a change from his constant state of misery.

 

His parents left again. They couldn’t even give them a week, just one measly week of being in the same damn house as their parents.

 

To make matters worse, he gets to work and Harry is actively ignoring him. It’s probably because every ounce of him is emitting enough rage to take down a small army, but still, that doesn’t mean Harry can just ignore him, that’s not how things work. But if that’s how Harry wants to do things, then fine! Two can play at that game.

 

Okay, if Louis Tomlinson is included in said two, two, in fact, cannot play at that game. He cracks after lunch.

 

He follows Harry to the bathroom and corners him. “Why are you ignoring me?” he demands, pushing at Harry’s shoulder.

 

“Does ‘don’t talk to me’ ring a bell? Or how about ‘shut the fuck up Harry, I don’t care’. Remember now?” Harry responds, shoving past Louis to go wash his hands. Louis is pissed because Harry just mocked him by making his voice sound so much higher than it actually is.

 

“First of all, I don’t sound like a shrill little bitch. Secondly, I didn’t actually mean that.” Louis shouts back.

 

“Mate, you’ve got to be kidding yourself if you think that’s not how you sound. And forgive me because I totally know when you do and don’t mean what you say. It’s not like we’ve only known each other for five days. Oh wait!” Harry snaps.

 

“Is that was all this is about? You’re mad because I didn’t want to talk to you? Pathetic.” Louis knows that was a low blow, but fuck Harry is yelling at him, he’s not just gonna let him get away with it.

 

“You seriously think that’s what this is about?” Harry laughs and it’s terrifying. “You’re a lot more self-centered than you let on.” Harry says before exiting the bathroom.

 

Okay, what the fuck is that supposed to mean? Louis doesn’t like this, it’s not settling right with him.

 

“Harry wait!” he calls after him, pushing out the bathroom and into the hallway.

 

“Harry, please stop walking.” Louis pleads. “I’m really sorry, okay? I had a shit morning before coming here.” he explains.

 

Harry finally turns around, but his shoulders are slumped and the expression on his face is so hurt and it breaks Louis.

 

“You can’t just do that, Louis. Just because you’re having a shit day doesn’t mean you can take it out on other people. It’s not fair.” he sounds like he’s on the verge of tears and Louis can’t take it.

 

So he hugs him. He’s shorter than Harry, but somehow Harry still ends up tucking his head into Louis’ neck.

 

“I’m truly sorry, Harry. I was being a dick and I had no right to be and I’m just really sorry.” Louis whispers.

 

He doesn’t know why he whispers. Hell, he doesn’t know why he’s doing any of this, arguing with Harry, apologizing, _hugging him_. It scares Louis because, well because he hasn’t made a friend in 8 years. He’s not the easiest person to get along with, he knows this, but Harry doesn’t seem to be bothered by it and that affects something inside of him, but he doesn’t know what.

 

Harry pulls back when a phone rings, and Louis groans at the loss of contact, but it can be attributed to his phone ringing.

 

It’s the twin’s school.

 

“Hello?” he answers, his voice is wary and that produces a concerned look from Harry.

 

“Is this Mr. Tomlinson?” a voice speaks into the receiver. Louis can’t tell if it’s a man or woman.

 

“Uh no, this is Louis. Mr. Tomlinson is my father.” he replies.

 

“Very well, neither of your parents seem to be answering their phones, so you were next on the contact list. Both of your sisters have come down with some sort of ailment, and to protect the other students, we ask that you come pick them up immediately.” the nurse, at least Louis assumes it’s the nurse, explains.

 

He tunes out everything after that because fuck, his sister’s are sick. It’s the weekend so he’ll be able to take care of them, but still. He hates when anything is wrong with them, it makes him feel so guilty.

 

At some point Harry takes his phone and finishes the conversation because Louis is currently too busy freaking out because his sister’s are sick and he still has 4 hours left of work and he can’t just leave, but his sister’s really need him and oh - Harry is rubbing his back.

 

“Lou, just breathe. They’re fine, it’s just a simple cold. We’ll be fine here, go take your sister’s home.” Harry says. It’s soft, but there’s an underlying tone that sounds kind of forceful, but Louis isn’t really focusing on that.

 

_Lou. That’s a nickname. That’s my nickname. Harry called me Lou_. That’s his only stream of thought the entire drive to the girl’s school, and when he gets them home and tucked into bed, it’s clouds his brain again.

 

It’s nearing 5:30 when his phone buzzes with a message.

**How are your sisters?**

**Btw, it’s Harry.**

 

Louis begins typing a response, but another message comes through.

 

**Oh and I got you number from Trevor, I hope that’s okay.**

**Hi. They’re okay. They’re napping but should be up in a little while. What’s the best soup for them?**

He definitely doesn’t roll around the couch blushing because Harry is concerned about his sisters, definitely not. It would be stupid because only people with crushes do that and Louis Tomlinson definitely doesn’t have a crush on Harry Styles. Absolutely not.

 

Also, Louis positively, without a doubt, does not pout when it’s been 10 minutes since Harry has replied.

 

Louis is just about to check his phone for the 8th time when the doorbell rings. It freaks him out a little because no one besides Niall ever visits, and he’s currently out the country for two months, and he usually just walks in. He opens the door and it’s Harry and he has soup and a stupid smile on his face and Louis definitely has a crush.

 

“Uh, I swear I’m not stalking you, but the town is pretty small and your house is pretty easy to find and I have a really good soup recipe and I wanted to help and yeah.” Harry spits out and Louis almost doesn’t catch it because he’s still focusing on Harry being here which explains what he says next.

 

“You called me Lou earlier. Before I left work, you called me Lou.” and he says it more like a question than a statement, but in his defense, it’s the only thing that’s been on his mind for the past few hours, so he has a valid excuse. Well valid enough.

 

Harry’s brows furrow together in confusion. “Yeah, I guess I did. Sorry, I didn’t mean anything by it, it was just natural. Let’s talk about this inside because I’m freezing and the soup is getting cold.” Harry says before walking through the door and finding his way to the kitchen.

 

Why isn’t Louis more concerned about Harry being in his house? And why does it suddenly feel _a lot_ warmer than it ever has? Too many questions are dancing around Louis’ head, he needs to focus on Harry being in his kitchen.

 

He walks in and see’s Harry over the stove warming up the soup and he doesn’t really know what to do, so he coughs.

 

“It got a little cold and it’s not as effective that way. I hope you don’t mind me using a few things.” Harry says with his back still towards Louis. At some point, he took off his jacket and Louis really wishes he didn’t because he has the sudden urge to run his hands over Harry’s back; across his broad shoulders, down his spine, leaving them to settle at the small of his back.

 

Louis is completely gone at this point, there’s no hope for him. He silently curses himself because he’s supposed to be hating him, not daydreaming about leaving angry scratches down his back.

 

“Uh yeah, s’okay.” Louis stammers out. “I uh, I’m gonna go see if the girls are awake.” he says as he’s on his way out of the kitchen and up the stairs.

 

The girls are already awake when he gets to their room and he kisses them both on the forehead before carrying them downstairs. They’re getting a lot heavier, soon he won’t be able to carry them both.

 

Daisy is the first to speak when they enter the kitchen.

 

“Lou, who’s the guy with the funny hair?” Harry whips around with such an offended look on his face that Louis can’t help but laugh.

 

“Hi. I’m Harry. I work with Louis.” Harry smiles while extended both his hands for the girls to shake.

 

“I’m Daisy,” she points to herself, “and this is Phoebe. We’re twins.” she says matter of factly.

 

Louis smiles at the way Harry goes along with it, as if he didn’t already know that they were twins.

 

Harry is the first person connected to Louis that has met the twins. He doesn’t count Niall because he’s known them since before they were born, and he doesn’t have any other friends, solely because he either gets annoyed by everyone or he doesn’t trust them. It’s a shame really, because what 19 year-old only has one, well two, friends?

 

The rest of the night is spent with the girls fighting over Harry until Louis finally sends them to bed around 10 p.m. and even then, they fight over who Harry should kiss goodnight first. He wasn’t jealous that they got kisses, not at all, but still, it would’ve been nice to get one as well, just maybe not on the forehead. This is so much more than a crush, Louis is severly screwed.

 

Harry leaves after that, even though Louis doesn’t want him to, but he promises to check in on them in the morning and that alone makes Louis’ heart flutter from then on until hours after he’s asleep.

 

It’s only been five days since he met Harry and vowed to hate him, four since he realized that it’s completely impossible, and it took today for him to realize that he is, without a single doubt, quite in love with Harry Styles.

  
  
  


〜

  
  


Much to Louis’ pleasure, the next two weeks are spent with Harry constantly around. It was much like the first week at work, but now Harry comes over after, and even on the weekends.

 

One day, when Louis gets a call from his parents saying that they may not be home for Christmas, he doesn’t even let it bother him because at that moment, Harry was in the kitchen with the twins baking cookies and their laughter was the only thing that mattered to him.

 

Even the few days that Harry is sick, he still comes over and Louis and the girls take care of him and make him spend the night. Louis woke up to find himself being cradled against Harry’s chest and he doesn’t even fight it, he just lies there for another hour until Harry wakes up. And when he does, he just smiles at Louis and pulls him closer.

 

It’s the Friday before Christmas when Louis takes Harry to the park. Daisy and Phoebe are sleeping over at a classmate’s house and Louis wants to get out of the house.

 

“C’mon H, let’s go to the park.” Louis says when they’re watching whatever tv show Harry turned to.

 

“Okay.” Harry agrees with a smile.

 

They bundle themselves up before walking the few blocks to the park. On the way, Louis tells Harry the story of how he met Niall and he explains the significance of the park and Harry just laughs and nods along.

 

They sit on the swings facing each other and Louis takes a second to soak everything in. Harry, the boy he meet only 3 weeks ago, is sitting across from him wearing a hideous orange beanie and he’s so damn beautiful.

 

“You’re very mesmerizing Harry Styles.” Louis finally speaks.

 

And something inside him is shouting for him to kiss Harry, so he does. It’s soft, because he’s nervous as hell, but then Harry is kissing him back. Despite the cold weather, Harry’s lips feel so warm against his, and there’s a bursting sensation travelling through his entire body. Any lingering sadness dwelling in his bones has vanished. He feels so alive inside, like everything will be okay from now on, and it’s all thanks to Harry.

 

Harry’s lips are gone before he wants them to be, and while Louis is smiling, Harry looks as if he’s going to cry. Louis’ heart sinks and he suddenly feels so disgusting.

 

“Louis-” Harry’s voice is trembling.

 

“Please don’t. Please don’t say anything to ruin this.” he motions his hands between the two of them.

 

“Louis please understand,” Harry stands up to leave. “I have to go”

 

“Understand what?! You can’t just say you have to go without explaining!” Louis cries out. He’s shaking now and he feels tears pooling in his eyes.

 

“Harry stop fucking walking!” Louis shouts and now he’s fuming. No, Harry can’t just _leave_! Not when Louis has been happier in these past 3 weeks than he has been in his entire life. This isn’t how it’s supposed to be. Today was supposed to be special; they were supposed to kiss and confess their love to each other and everthing was supposed to be grand. This is all so wrong.

 

He catches up to Harry and stands in front of him so that he can’t leave.

 

“Louis, move.” Harry wimpers.

 

“Not until you tell me what’s going on. I thought this was okay.”

 

“Well it wasn’t, okay!” he snaps. “None of this was supposed to happen.”

 

Louis is crying now. The tears are hot against his skin, but he feels so cold again. He can’t handle it anymore so he leaves. He’s not gonna have Harry walk away from him, his pride won’t allow it, so he walks away. He gets a few feet before he’s full on running, tears obscuring his view, and people are shouting at him, but that doesn’t matter right now, he just needs to get home.

 

He doesn’t know how long he cries, but he feels so tired after. He tossed his phone the moment he got inside and he can’t be bothered to find it. He’s hurting all over, and it’s different from before because his heart aches as well. He doesn’t want to think about anything else, he just wants to sleep for as long as possible.

 

Louis barely leaves his bed for the next three days. His parents came home that first night and surprisingly they’ve been handling the girls, so he just wallows in self pity.

 

He finally leaves his room on his birthday, but only at the request of the girls. They have cake and ice cream in the basement and their parents even join them, but his happiness is a front. His facade is shattered when Daisy asks about Harry and it takes everything inside him not to break down when he explains to her that Harry left. She has so many questions and it all becomes too overwhelming because he doesn’t have answers. He excuses himself to his room.

 

He screams into his pillow until his lungs are burning. He’s crying so hard and he’s so angry and he just wants everything to end. He wants Harry here with him, even though Harry is the reason he’s so hurt. He can barely even bring himself to blame Harry.

 

He paces his room because it seems like the only logical thing to do, that’s when he see’s the note under his pillow.

 

_Dear Louis, if you’re reading this I’ve left already, or something of the sort. I also probably didn’t explain why I left and I’m so sorry about that. I still can’t explain now, but I just need you to know that I love you. I do, with everything in me, since the day we met. I’m so sorry Louis, so deeply sorry. I love you._

_\- H_

 

Louis’ heart is pounding, he’s crying, and it’s so hard for him to breathe. He can’t be here right now, he has to leave.

 

He ends up at the park again, as if it would provide some sort of closure, but it just increases the pain. He laughs at himself for being so pathetic. He’s also been so careful of not letting people in, but with Harry, he didn’t even try to keep his guard up.

 

It’s a few minutes before midnight and Louis has been at the park for almost 3 hours, but he can’t go home.

 

A gust of wind blows, and it carries with it Harry’s voice.

 

“Happy birthday Louis.” he hears. It flows through his ears, kisses his nerves, and settles in his chest.

  
“Merry Christmas, Harry.” he whispers to no one at all. But he hopes the wind sends the message to wherever Harry may be.

**Author's Note:**

> phew. is everyone okay? i'm sorry if you're not. you can always yell at me over on tumblr (dontaskaboutmyurl). Jen bb i love you. (:


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